{"id":412,"date":"2015-03-06T18:07:37","date_gmt":"2015-03-06T08:07:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/janineprince.com\/?p=412"},"modified":"2015-03-06T18:10:46","modified_gmt":"2015-03-06T08:10:46","slug":"relighting-your-candle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/janineprince.com\/home\/relighting-your-candle\/","title":{"rendered":"Relighting your candle"},"content":{"rendered":"

Do you feel that your flame is flickering?\u00a0 This week we’ll take a look at relighting your candle. Here are five simple things you can do to help yourself get through tough times.<\/p>\n

\"One<\/a>Just so we\u2019re all clear, if you find yourself fantasising about or indeed planning hurting people (including yourself) (either physically or emotionally) then you\u2019re not well and you need help. Yes, sometimes bad shit happens<\/a>, but hurting yourself or others is a sign that the situation you\u2019re in is extreme and that you need some professional help \u2013 please ask for it.<\/p>\n

Also, if you\u2019re feeling blue, or very dark for more than a week or two and with no other extenuating circumstances, then you\u2019re possibly suffering depression and once again, please ask for help.<\/p>\n

A lot of times our society doesn’t provide\u00a0 useful guidelines and it can leave people floundering with burdens that are simply too heavy. Simple rules with clear instructions are easy to follow. Sometimes, particularly when things are bad, you need an objective measure and those ones work. I\u2019m not a medical professional, so we\u2019ll leave dealing with the extreme end of the experience spectrum to the professionals, they will unburden you in stages and then help you to heal.<\/p>\n

You matter<\/h2>\n

When it is all stacking up against you and you can\u2019t seem to get a lucky break at all it is easy to become very despondent and give up. It might make sense to give up on your project, postpone it, modify it or sell it off to someone else, but don\u2019t give up on yourself. Try not to take it personally. Yes, of course it happened to you (and there\u2019s not much that\u2019s more personal in that sense), but you still exist independent of the meaning you (and or our culture) may have ascribed to your project. This is a good opportunity to remember and utilise the quincunx <\/a>and put your circles back into the right scale and context for you. If you like, try this on too, “all life is sacred<\/strong>“, that includes you (not just dolphins,pandas and enlightened gurus) and you don’t need to do anything<\/em> to earn that. You just are.<\/p>\n

Tough situations are not impossible<\/h2>\n

There is some comfort in knowing that in all the generations of humans that have gone before us, in the billions of lives that have been lived, others have survived situations this tough, and they probably did so without air-conditioning and smartphones. If you\u2019re the competitive type, this idea is particularly helpful. For many of us, just knowing that it can be done is enough to help us keep getting up when we get knocked down. Just try again. Hard work is what grown-ups do, you can handle it. You won’t like it, it is not as nice as snoozing on the couch, but you can get through it.<\/p>\n

Reject the idea of perfection<\/h2>\n

Oh, you want to do it the right<\/em> way, and that’s what’s causing delays and hardships and suffering? Are you sure it is right\u00a0 and not just a choice <\/a>you might be making? Very rarely is there only a single right way to complete a project in your life or handle a setback. There are normally as many ways as there are people. Your unique outlook, skills, network, humour and style will see you muddle through. Don’t voluntarily add the burden of conforming to the illusion of perfection.<\/p>\n

Be a light to others<\/h2>\n

Helping someone else can and does give you strength to face your own situation anew. Help in an area where you’re not under pressure, where your situation is strong or complete. It will remind you that you have things to be grateful for and that there is likely to be someone out there who would be willing to help you. There’s a light inside people that comes back into their eyes when things turn around for them. It can be infectious, but you only catch it by acting on purpose.<\/p>\n

Keep your hands busy<\/h2>\n

Dwelling in your pain and hardship\u00a0amplifies it. Literally keeping your hands busy (sewing, cooking, gardening, woodworking etc) edges you out of that stuck place. Meaningful activity gives your mind something else to occupy itself and stimulates your problem-solving and coping abilities. Combine this with helping others if you like and do handiwork for a charity. Can’t use your hands? Find away to serve with what you do have – read to someone who is lonely, walk a bedridden person’s dog. Not busy so you’re exhausted (unless that is likely to help) but active, engaged with the real world, not living completely inside your head.<\/p>\n

Hot wax<\/h2>\n

Candles drip hot wax. That’s a fact of life. You’ll have excuses about these suggestions and a lot of it will be to do with discomfort. If that discomfort is coming from your ego, or an attachment to the status of being hard done by being able to blame others, this is going to take extra bravery on your part. Someone very wise pointed out that “once we’ve asked to be healed, our unhealed places rise to the surface.” You’re underway now and the wax and the falling down and the frustrations are all part of the mess of it, but you’re back on fire<\/a>, you matter, and the situation is not impossible.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do you feel that your flame is flickering?\u00a0 This week we’ll take a look at relighting your candle. Here are five simple things you can do to help yourself get through tough times. 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